The struggles of losing faith in a family of faith. Bittersweet. She is going to remain a closet atheist forever. She doesn’t want to take away faith from her parents.  So she will hide her atheism forever.

“And so, there will be some elements of my double life which I will always lead – but over the years, I have managed to introduce more and more of my life to my parents, and keep only the most necessary facts to myself – the main one being, of course, my atheism…

Nor can I rip apart the only thing which keeps them going in life – their religion. As first generation, working class immigrants, they have never had much in life, and they have struggled. I have seen them bowing their heads and prostrating in prayer during their darkest hours, and I have seen the strength their faith gives them. Despite my dislike of their religion, I cannot find it within me to begrudge the comfort and strength it gives them.”

Goodbye to the Ex Muslim Identity